It's been a while since I've had the time or the peace of mind to sit and write. I think I do this sometimes more for myself than anything else. It helps me to get things down in black and white to sort things out.
I've been going through a strange phase in my walk with God lately. I am, and always will be in love with God. I know all too well where I would be without Him in my life and I am always aware and thankful that He rescued me from the pit at the age of 19. But lately I've been...indifferent. Not sure how else to describe it. Not much exciting me about the things of God or church. I feel like I'm just doing everything I've always done but without the fire and passion. Kinda a dry time.
I have been a Christian a long time and I know this comes with the territory. It's the same as marriage. Goes through dry, dispassionate times as well. It does take intentionality and effort to make things more interesting, on both fronts. Just don't want to do ANYTHING. It's an effort to just go to church. It's an effort, and I guess I want it to be effortless. Dreaming??
I've recently changed churches. The beginning of the summer I left the church I've been attending for 6 years and started serving in the Nursery department on Sunday mornings. When you leave one church that you've gotten used to and become quite attached to and serve somewhere else there is always a transition phase. I've gratefully served with the babies at St. James and will continue to do so, but I went from intense worship every Thursday night and Sunday with the choir of my last church to where I am now. I sometimes wonder why I was in choir for all that time? It was such a blessing to ME, I often wondered how God got anything out of it at all! Worship will always be a huge part of my DNA but I do miss the "expression" I was able to give to my faith at New Life.
Where do I go from here? That is what I am trying to figure out. Where do I belong in the plan of God? I know it's not just to sit in a room with babies on Sunday mornings. There's more. Maybe writing? Maybe? Not sure. Right now, I'm so dry, I don't even WANT TO attend a Bible study or even read the Bible. Just venting. I'll move past this. It's just a phase. But it feels weird.
